In the Northern Hemisphere, we officially cross over from spring to summer today. This means it’s time to share comments about the weather with friends living further north. It means that I’m now running out of suggestions for friends at the Day Job as to what their kids can do on summer vacation that won’t cost a fortune. (I’m afraid “how about getting them jobs in a coal mine and telling them ‘it’s steampunk’?” doesn’t go over all that well, but that’s only because the nearest mines are in Tennessee.) Best of all, it means that it’s time to make the world’s postal carriers HATE me. It’s time for freebies.
Here’s the situation. It started when I was organizing my office. (Let’s be honest. “Organizing my office” is much like giving a corpse an enema because “it couldn’t hurt.” The place looks as if Hunter S. Thompson camped out there for a month. Let me say “I was attempting to prevent an avalanche of old papers threatening to smash down the wall and entomb my neighbor in 20-year-old correspondence.”) While wondering if I had enough cord to connect the detonator to the primary charges, I came across a cardboard box left over from a promotional campaign three years ago. Inside that box…
Well, inside the box was treasure for the right people. And it can be yours, should you be so inclined.
Inside the box were 70 individual envelopes, labeled with return addresses and filled with goodies. Specifically, each one contains a Triffid Ranch sticker, a Triffid Ranch button, and other random items. All you need to do to get one is ask. The first 70 people to send a mailing address gets an envelope in return.
Because everyone looks side-eyed whenever I offer free items, here are the rules:
Numero Uno: One envelope will be sent per address. This may be home, work, mail drop, or slot in the side of a tree. However, if you know of people who’d enjoy getting something for free this summer, include their addresses as well.
Numero Two-O: This offer is open to the citizens of the planet Earth, no matter where you’re located. All I need is a valid mailing address, and the postage costs will be covered by the Texas Triffid Ranch.
Numero Three-O: To belay any concerns about privacy, any addresses gathered will only be used for the purpose of sending envelopes, and will NOT be used in any other way. They also will NOT be given to anybody else, for any reason whatsoever.
Numero Four-O: All requests for envelopes must be submitted by midnight on June 30, 2012. This offer will continue until then or until all envelopes are claimed, whichever comes first.
Numero Five-O: Should you wish to share details of this offer with others, please feel free. Again, the offer continues until all envelopes are claimed.
And if all of that made sense, send in a request with your Snail Mail address to email@example.com, and I’ll finish it from there. I thank you, the Czarina thanks you, and my next-door neighbor thanks you.